"I was seemingly dead," Jan Ullrich explains bizarre situation and tells what gave him push in right direction

Ullrich released the documentary series "Der Gejagte" last year in collaboration with Amazon, which he reflects on in a conversation with WDR. "The documentary was like therapy for me. Now I can talk about it with my children because it is part of my life after all," he says, referring to the period in cycling during which he was a piece. After his doping confessions, Ullrich was persona non grata in Germany for many years, leaving him stranded.

The documentary was there primarily to offer insight. "I'm glad I showed myself in that documentary; now I can more easily continue my work. There was a lot of speculation. I needed to change something, so I decided to talk about it. That was good for me, the burden eased, and now I can move on," Ullrich said. "To confess, I also waited for the confessions of Lance Armstrong and others. Maybe I was too weak and didn't want all that media storm."

So he seems to be addressing the German public, who treated the 1997 Tour winner as the bad guy for years. "People have to understand that doping was in the system. The sponsors knew everything. I wouldn't call it silence, but they paid me well. It was a mutual agreement not to talk about it," it sounded. Ullrich rode for years for Bonn, Germany-based Telekom/T-Mobile. "But in the end, I also made a mistake and had to pay for it by being the bad guy. I also have to take on that role."

When Ullrich got into trouble in 2006, things went downhill fast. "I fell into a deep hole, and it almost ended in catastrophe," said the German, who nearly broke down the moment he was asked a question about his alcohol-addicted father. "I thought my mother and trainer took on the father role, but in the end, I found that I never had a father.2

He also became addicted to alcohol as a result of the situation that developed. "I was good at repressing things and kept it up for a long time. Eventually, it escalated, also with the drugs and all those things. Eventually, I recovered through love for my children, but it couldn't get any deeper either. I was seemingly dead; visually, I saw hell. Then I said: up to here and no further. Either you will die next week, or things will get back on track. The children were the deciding factor," he outlines.